Kane & Lynch

Possibly the weirdest acting type job I ever had. Last week was flown all expenses paid to Turin, where I had to imitate a computer generated gun-wielding psychopath. Not, it must be said, the hardest work I ever did, as I'm inclined towards gun-wielding psychopath sort of stuff naturally. Anyway we just had to wander around this very posh Accademia, swearing a lot and threatening each other, and generally scaring the students, while some Italian academics droned on about artificial intelligence. Were taken for a meal by the very nice people from Eidos, and flew home the next day. Really trippy couple of days. The only thing we lacked were the guns, but it probably wasn't worth the hassle trying to get them through customs.

'Kane', by the way, is Doug. A proper actor, who's going to be in Torchwood in January.

Underwater Fluff

Inspired by Dom's occasional series. But who is this submarine stunna?

Police Brutality

Was just lately back in the same patch of woods where I was doing that Druidy stuff a while back, this time being beaten up by riot police. All for the sake of art I must say, or television anyway. It was for He Kills Coppers which is going to be on ITV sometime in the new year. The scene is a recreation of the famous Battle of the Beanfield, during which a bunch of crusties got the crap kicked out of them by the neo-facist puppets of the police state, sometimes known as Wiltshire Constabulary.

Anyway it was a fun enough couple of days, even though the two brutal Nazis (above, nice guys really) assigned to drag me off the bus and pin me on the ground took to their job with rather more enthusiasm than was necessary. And we had to do it 8 fucking times. I suffered for my art all right.

Below is a group of peace loving hippies outside our poorly decorated 'Love Bus', blissfully unaware of what is in store for them.

Smoke

Being my first proper digital painting, rather than coloured scanned line-art which is what I was doing before, and I must say I'm rather pleased with it. The figure was based on a photo, though, which I suppose is cheating a bit.

Swamp Things - part 1

A work in progress.

The trilogy complete

At last the final episode, in which our heroes are attacked by a swarm of hostile alien butt-plugs. Here are the first two again, in case you'd forgotten them.

El Druderino

Recently spent a couple of days running around in dank woods at Pinewood Studios pretending to be a Druid. no, I haven't joined some nutjob re-enactment society, it was for the upcoming Terry Pratchett thing on Sky, 'The Colour Of Magic'. The reason for the rather pained expression on my face is that fucking hessian was damned uncomfortable, not to mention damp and muddy.

Anyway I got to hold the lead actress' hand (leading her up to the altar to be sacrificed, in fact), and she told me I looked like Alan Rickman, which is a step up from Steven Seagal. Then I got chased around by and old guy with a sword. Getting up at 5am was the hard bit. That's when I'm usually going to sleep.

I don't have the benefit of Sky TV, and am really not into Pratchett's stuff anyway, but maybe someone can tape it for me who does. No idea when it's coming out, but they seem to be spending a bit of money on it, so I imagine they'll give it plenty of hype.

Some passing kids told my I looked like Wonder Woman. Little twats.

By the way - changing the subject - has anyone checked out the endless and totally paranoid rant someone's left as a comment on my Madame Hydra post below? It's the most bonkers thing I've read for ages, and I've only got about a fifth of the way through so far. I feel quite honoured to be chosen, really.

The Towers

Buy This Shit

Ebay has been a bit slow lately so I thought I'd follow Dom's lead and plug it here ( link at the side). Among the wonderous items I have listed is that thing above. Now I have really no idea how I came to own this -- I certainly didn't pay any money for it and it's not the kind of thing any of my ex-girlfriends would have left here. I just want it to go away. Please.

Only 99p, and it's her anniversary.

Go on, you know you want to.

Terror Totty Part 4: Madame Hydra

• AKA Viper - acquiring the name by killing the original Viper (who was the brother of the Eel).
• Half of face hideously scarred, but still a hottie.
• Looks good in tight outfit, especially when drawn by Steranko.
• Went out with the Red Skull for a while.
• Treats subordinates poorly.
• Impossible to shut up once she starts off about world domination.
• Yes, I have run out of ideas for this series.

Terror Totty Part 3: Gudrun Ensslin

• Nice well brought-up German girl, father a vicar.


• Appeared in art-porn movie Das Abonnement (see pic).


• Decided to hang out with similarly middle-class-war types Andreas Baader and Ulrike Meinhof and 'fight the system', as you do.


• Burned some shops, and sprang her boyfriend from prison, as you do.


• Found hanged in jail. Suicide or state execution? You decide!
  

Terror Totty Part2: Leila Khaled

• Looks great holding automatic weapon.
• Killer cheekbones.
• Blew up planes, or something.
• Julian Cope wrote a song about her.
• No known affiliation to Hydra.

Terror Totty Part 1: Tania

• AKA Patty Hearst
• Looks cool holding automatic weapon
• Married her bodyguard
• Was in a John Waters film
• Fully paid-up menber of Hydra! Er ... I meant the Symbionese Liberation Army
• That's enough bullet-points

Hackney after the rain

Save the cheerleader

Have just finished a marathon viewing of the entire first series of Heroes, thanks to a friend who kindly and most illegally downloaded it, and I must say it is absolutely ace. The best TV I've seen since Firefly. 23 episodes and not one of them a dud. Unlike that tiresome toss Lost it actually has a story that knows where it's going from the first episode, engaging characters like brain-removing psycho Sylar (above), and some kick-ass action stuff.

What I like most about it is there are very few clear-cut goodies/baddies, with most of the cast starting out as one, changing to the other, and ending up somewhere in the middle. And it's not afraid to kill off major characters now and then. Okay some of the dialogue is a bit corny, but the plot moves along so quickly you hardly care, and it manages a cliffhanger at the end of nearly every episode. Also plenty of cool comics references to keep the geeks happy.

If you haven't seen it already make sure you check it out when it comes on BBC2. I just hope the fuckers don't butcher it like they did Buffy.

the eye of silence

Devil Duck

Another horny little devil

Currently guarding my cacti. One day I'm going to meet a girl just like her. *sigh*

And while we're on the subject ...

.... these rather lovely magnets currently adorn my fridge. That damn burning lake must have some ace merchandising.

"FLEE FROM THE WRATH TO COME!"

More religious nuttery, as found in the pub. There was a whole buch of stuff about people who'd seen Heaven as well, but I didn't bother to include it - an awful lot of light, joy and meeting dead relatives. Just the sort of place I'd try to avoid. Hell sounds like much more fun. Burning lakes, and shit. How cool is that? I'll bet there's some groovy goth clubs as well. And if infidel like Voltaire and Thomas Paine are hanging out in them ... well I know where I want to go.

Unfinished building, Bishopsgate

Killer Pussy

Which has, er ... not much to do with cats, I think. Saw a preview on Japanorama last night, and rather desperately want to get a copy. There is a cool trailer here. One of a new wave of Japanese erotic splatter apparently, which sounds good to me.

Tell Me Easter's On Friday

More apocalyptic literature put through my door by the local religious nuts. Cool pic, though.

Our Lady of Pain

What's wrong with this picture?

I walk past this every day, and it bugs the hell out of me. However you add it up, whatever obscure numerical system you might use, it's not 24 hours!

Lying bastards!

Actually it was open 24 hours in the beginning, then they realised the only people who went in at 4am were crackheads.

Nine Inch Nails

Okay, you can call me the oldest teenager in town, but I thought they were one of the bands that you ought to see at least once before you die, like Ministry and Rammstein (actually I'd happily see Rammstein again - one of the best nights out I'd had for ages).

Now it must be admitted that our boy Trent hasn't made a good record since The Downward Spiral god knows how long ago, his lyrics are invariably cringeworthy 'O' level angst, and he's getting a little podgy ( he doesn't take his jacket off for the 2 hour set - a technique learnt I'd guess from Steven Seagal). But blimey - these chaps can rawk! And loud enough to actually hurt my ears, which I haven't experienced for a while.

They further endear themselves to me by mostly ignoring the last couple of albums for most of the set and hammering out the good old stuff, then kind of spoil it by doing some less than memorable new numbers and putting on a crowd-pleasing stadium-rock finale. Worst part of the night was the Coldplay moment of a couple of thousand idiots singing along to Hurt while waving their fucking phones in the air. The twats. Johnny Cash did it better, anyway. His version had some genuine emotion, while Reznor just sounds like a whiny goth teenager in need of a good slap.

Incidentally, my new camera phone does some very strange things in low light conditions. Here is Trent singing Hurt:

Which I quite like in an abstract kind of way.

My bedside tabe

Just got a new phone off Orange and while testing the camera last night happened to take a still life of my entire existence in microcosm - apart from the porn and the comics. I keep all of life's essentials close to hand.

It's got an MP3 player, too.

The Mouth of Madness part 2 - electric airbrush remix

Just recently bought a Wacom tablet and pen which makes doing stuff like this much easier than using a mouse. This was all done in Photoshop, but there's a groovy paint prog that came with the tablet that includes an incredibly realistic oil paint simulator. Look out for more twisted shit.

Deadly Reptiles

Sky 3 , the last resort of the alcoholic insomniac, has such a programme on right now. It's educational. I have learned that "avoiding rattlesnakes is the clue to not letting them bite you", which might not have otherwise occurred to me.

The Mouth of Madness - part 1

Snow

Jesus on Mars

My 15 inches of fame...

It may or may not have come to your attention that I am in a porn film. I shit you not. This is it, actually "The Cockwell Inn", just out recently. I hasten to add that at no point did I actually get my kit off or do anything unhygenic. I was merely an extra in a couple of scenes playing a sad loner at the bar. Typecast again. Nor did I actually get paid anything, unless you count a few cans of warm Stella. I did get to watch a couple of hours of the hard stuff, though, through a gap in the curtains. It was a rather messy 3-way, and I'm never going to sit on that couch in the pub again.

PS: 'The Cockwell Inn' cider is supposed to be really good. Fnarr fnarr...

Celebrity Diet Book

Found this on 'The Onion' site a while back. It sure beats the Atkins diet.

Lee Marvin

An apocalyptic new year to all...

Well that's all clear then. This came through my door the other day. Actually it all sounds rather exciting. Can't wait for the movie.